meekly, to the great admiration of the females, and formally took his

seat. Silence was then proclaimed by the little man in the drab shorts,

and Mr Humm rose and said - That, with the permission of his Brick

Lane Branch brothers and sisters, then and there present, the

secretary would read the report of the Brick Lane Branch committee; a

proposition which was again received with a demonstration of pocket-

handkerchiefs.

The secretary having sneezed in a very impressive manner, and the

cough which always seizes an assembly, when anything particular is

going to be done, having been duly performed, the following document

was read:

REPORT OF THE COMMITTEE OF THE BRICK LANE BRANCH OF

THE UNITED GRAND JUNCTION EBENEZER TEMPERANCE

ASSOCIATION

Your committee have pursued their grateful labours during the past

month, and have the unspeakable pleasure of reporting the following

additional cases of converts to Temperance.

'H. Walker, tailor, wife, and two children. When in better

circumstances, owns to having been in the constant habit of drinking

ale and beer; says he is not certain whether he did not twice a week,

for twenty years, taste ‘dog's nose,’ which your committee find upon

inquiry, to be compounded of warm porter, moist sugar, gin, and

nutmeg (a groan, and 'So it is!' from an elderly female). Is now out of

work and penniless; thinks it must be the porter (cheers) or the loss of

the use of his right hand; is not certain which, but thinks it very likely

that, if he had drunk nothing but water all his life, his fellow-

workman would never have stuck a rusty needle in him, and thereby

occasioned his accident (tremendous cheering). Has nothing but cold

water to drink, and never feels thirsty (great applause).

Betsy Martin, widow, one child, and one eye. Goes out charing and

washing, by the day; never had more than one eye, but knows her

mother drank bottled stout, and shouldn't wonder if that caused it

(

immense cheering). Thinks it not impossible that if she had always

abstained from spirits she might have had two eyes by this time

tremendous applause). Used, at every place she went to, to have

(

eighteen-pence a day, a pint of porter, and a glass of spirits; but since

she became a member of the Brick Lane Branch, has always

demanded three-and-sixpence (the announcement of this most

interesting fact was received with deafening enthusiasm).

Henry Beller was for many years toast-master at various corporation

dinners, during which time he drank a great deal of foreign wine; may

sometimes have carried a bottle or two home with him; is not quite

The Pickwick Papers