The Innocents Abroad


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horse-pistols, tunics, sashes, baggy trowsers, yellow slippers--Oh,  
we were gorgeous! The illustrious dogs of Constantinople barked  
their under jaws off, and even then failed to do us justice. They  
are all dead by this time. They could not go through such a run of  
business as we gave them and survive.  
And then we went to see the Emperor of Russia. We just called on  
him as comfortably as if we had known him a century or so, and when  
we had finished our visit we variegated ourselves with selections  
from Russian costumes and sailed away again more picturesque than  
ever. In Smyrna we picked up camel's hair shawls and other dressy  
things from Persia; but in Palestine--ah, in Palestine--our splendid  
career ended. They didn't wear any clothes there to speak of. We  
were satisfied, and stopped. We made no experiments. We did not  
try their costume. But we astonished the natives of that country.  
We astonished them with such eccentricities of dress as we could  
muster. We prowled through the Holy Land, from Cesarea Philippi to  
Jerusalem and the Dead Sea, a weird procession of pilgrims, gotten  
up regardless of expense, solemn, gorgeous, green-spectacled,  
drowsing under blue umbrellas, and astride of a sorrier lot of  
horses, camels and asses than those that came out of Noah's ark,  
after eleven months of seasickness and short rations. If ever those  
children of Israel in Palestine forget when Gideon's Band went  
through there from America, they ought to be cursed once more and  
finished. It was the rarest spectacle that ever astounded mortal  
eyes, perhaps.  
740  


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