The Innocents Abroad


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Wherever we went, in Europe, Asia, or Africa, we made a sensation,  
and, I suppose I may add, created a famine. None of us had ever  
been any where before; we all hailed from the interior; travel was a  
wild novelty to us, and we conducted ourselves in accordance with  
the natural instincts that were in us, and trammeled ourselves with  
no ceremonies, no conventionalities. We always took care to make it  
understood that we were Americans--Americans! When we found that a  
good many foreigners had hardly ever heard of America, and that a  
good many more knew it only as a barbarous province away off  
somewhere, that had lately been at war with somebody, we pitied the  
ignorance of the Old World, but abated no jot of our importance.  
Many and many a simple community in the Eastern hemisphere will  
remember for years the incursion of the strange horde in the year of  
our Lord 1867, that called themselves Americans, and seemed to  
imagine in some unaccountable way that they had a right to be proud  
of it. We generally created a famine, partly because the coffee on  
the Quaker City was unendurable, and sometimes the more substantial  
fare was not strictly first class; and partly because one naturally  
tires of sitting long at the same board and eating from the same  
dishes.  
The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They  
looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of  
America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes.  
They noticed that we looked out for expenses, and got what we  
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