We carried out the corpse on three cheers (that joke was not intentional

and I do not endorse it), and then the President, throned behind a cable

locker with a national flag spread over it, announced the "Reader," who

rose up and read that same old Declaration of Independence which we have

all listened to so often without paying any attention to what it said;

and after that the President piped the Orator of the Day to quarters and

he made that same old speech about our national greatness which we so

religiously believe and so fervently applaud. Now came the choir into

court again, with the complaining instruments, and assaulted "Hail

Columbia"; and when victory hung wavering in the scale, George returned

with his dreadful wild-goose stop turned on and the choir won, of course.

A minister pronounced the benediction, and the patriotic little gathering

disbanded. The Fourth of July was safe, as far as the Mediterranean was

concerned.

At dinner in the evening, a well-written original poem was recited with

spirit by one of the ship's captains, and thirteen regular toasts were

washed down with several baskets of champagne. The speeches were bad

--execrable almost without exception. In fact, without any exception but

one. Captain Duncan made a good speech; he made the only good speech of

the evening. He said:

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:--May we all live to a green old age and be

prosperous and happy. Steward, bring up another basket of champagne."

It was regarded as a very able effort.

106

The Innocents Abroad