The worst o' these here shepherds is, my boy, that they reg'larly turns

the heads of all the young ladies, about here. Lord bless their little

hearts, they thinks it's all right, and don't know no better; but they're

the wictims o' gammon, Samivel, they're the wictims o' gammon.'

'I s'pose they are,' said Sam.

'Nothin' else,' said Mr Weller, shaking his head gravely; 'and wot

aggrawates me, Samivel, is to see 'em a-wastin' all their time and

labour in making clothes for copper-coloured people as don't want

'em, and taking no notice of flesh-coloured Christians as do. If I'd my

vay, Samivel, I'd just stick some o' these here lazy shepherds behind a

heavy wheelbarrow, and run 'em up and down a fourteen-inch-wide

plank all day. That 'ud shake the nonsense out of 'em, if anythin'

vould.'

Mr Weller, having delivered this gentle recipe with strong emphasis,

eked out by a variety of nods and contortions of the eye, emptied his

glass at a draught, and knocked the ashes out of his pipe, with native

dignity.

He was engaged in this operation, when a shrill voice was heard in the

passage.

'Here's your dear relation, Sammy,' said Mr Weller; and Mrs. W.

hurried into the room.

Oh, you've come back, have you!' said Mrs. Weller.

Yes, my dear,' replied Mr Weller, filling a fresh pipe.

Has Mr Stiggins been back?' said Mrs. Weller.

No, my dear, he hasn't,' replied Mr Weller, lighting the pipe by the

ingenious process of holding to the bowl thereof, between the tongs, a

red-hot coal from the adjacent fire; and what's more, my dear, I shall

manage to surwive it, if he don't come back at all.'

'Ugh, you wretch!' said Mrs. Weller.

Thank'ee, my love,' said Mr Weller. 'Come, come, father,' said Sam,

none o' these little lovin's afore strangers. Here's the reverend

gen'l'm'n a-comin' in now.' At this announcement, Mrs. Weller hastily

wiped off the tears which she had just begun to force on; and Mr W.

drew his chair sullenly into the chimney-corner.

Mr Stiggins was easily prevailed on to take another glass of the hot

pine-apple rum-and-water, and a second, and a third, and then to

The Pickwick Papers