that she was so much attached to me. It might occasion some

unpleasantness in the family.’ When the old rascal said this, he

looked so extremely impertinent, that, as Tom Smart afterwards

declared, he could have sat upon him without remorse.

'‘I have been a great favourite among the women in my time, Tom,’

said the profligate old debauchee; ‘hundreds of fine women have sat in

my lap for hours together. What do you think of that, you dog, eh!’

The old gentleman was proceeding to recount some other exploits of

his youth, when he was seized with such a violent fit of creaking that

he was unable to proceed.

'‘Just serves you right, old boy,’ thought Tom Smart; but he didn't say

anything.

'‘Ah!’ said the old fellow, ‘I am a good deal troubled with this now. I am

getting old, Tom, and have lost nearly all my rails. I have had an

operation performed, too - a small piece let into my back - and I found

it a severe trial, Tom.’

‘I dare say you did, Sir,’ said Tom Smart.

'‘However,’ said the old gentleman, ‘that's not the point. Tom! I want

you to marry the widow.’

‘Me, Sir!’ said Tom.

‘You,’ said the old gentleman.

‘Bless your reverend locks,’ said Tom (he had a few scattered horse-

hairs left) - ’bless your reverend locks, she wouldn't have me.’ And

Tom sighed involuntarily, as he thought of the bar.

'‘Wouldn't she?’ said the old gentleman firmly.

'‘No, no,’ said Tom; ‘there's somebody else in the wind. A tall man - a

confoundedly tall man - with black whiskers.’

'‘Tom,’ said the old gentleman; ‘she will never have him.’

'‘Won't she?’ said Tom. ‘If you stood in the bar, old gentleman, you'd

tell another story.’ '‘Pooh, pooh,’ said the old gentleman. ‘I know all

about that. ‘

‘About what?’ said Tom.

‘The kissing behind the door, and all that sort of thing, Tom,’ said the

old gentleman. And here he gave another impudent look, which made

The Pickwick Papers