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'
‘Because I like it, Tom Smart,’ said the chair; or the old gentleman,
whichever you like to call him. He stopped winking though, when Tom
spoke, and began grinning like a superannuated monkey.
'
‘How do you know my name, old nut-cracker face?’ inquired Tom
Smart, rather staggered; though he pretended to carry it off so well.
'‘Come, come, Tom,’ said the old gentleman, ‘that's not the way to
address solid Spanish mahogany. Damme, you couldn't treat me with
less respect if I was veneered.’ When the old gentleman said this, he
looked so fierce that Tom began to grow frightened.
'
‘I didn't mean to treat you with any disrespect, Sir,’ said Tom, in a
much humbler tone than he had spoken in at first.
'
'
'
‘Well, well,’ said the old fellow, ‘perhaps not - perhaps not. Tom - ’
‘sir - ’
‘I know everything about you, Tom; everything. You're very poor,
Tom.’
'
‘I certainly am,’ said Tom Smart. ‘But how came you to know that?’
‘Never mind that,’ said the old gentleman; ‘you're much too fond of
'
punch, Tom.’
'
Tom Smart was just on the point of protesting that he hadn't tasted a
drop since his last birthday, but when his eye encountered that of the
old gentleman he looked so knowing that Tom blushed, and was
silent.
'‘Tom,’ said the old gentleman, ‘the widow's a fine woman -
remarkably fine woman - eh, Tom?’ Here the old fellow screwed up his
eyes, cocked up one of his wasted little legs, and looked altogether so
unpleasantly amorous, that Tom was quite disgusted with the levity of
his behaviour - at his time of life, too! '‘I am her guardian, Tom,’ said
the old gentleman.
'‘Are you?’ inquired Tom Smart.
'
‘I knew her mother, Tom,’ said the old fellow: ‘and her grandmother.
She was very fond of me - made me this waistcoat, Tom.’
'
'
‘Did she?’ said Tom Smart.
‘And these shoes,’ said the old fellow, lifting up one of the red cloth
mufflers; ‘but don't mention it, Tom. I shouldn't like to have it known
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