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"'Go away,' roared I, louder than ever, rolling my eyes wildly. 'It
takes you to put me in such a fury. I do not answer for myself! Go
away!'
"In abandoning myself to my anger, I became steeped in it, and I wanted
to commit some violent act to show the force of my fury. I felt a
terrible desire to beat her, to kill her, but I realized that that could
not be, and I restrained myself. I drew back from her, rushed to the
table, grasped the paper-weight, and threw it on the floor by her side.
I took care to aim a little to one side, and, before she disappeared (I
did it so that she could see it), I grasped a candlestick, which I also
hurled, and then took down the barometer, continuing to shout:
"'Go away! I do not answer for myself!'
"
She disappeared, and I immediately ceased my demonstrations. An hour
later the old servant came to me and said that my wife was in a fit
of hysterics. I went to see her. She sobbed and laughed, incapable of
expressing anything, her whole body in a tremble. She was not shamming,
she was really sick. We sent for the doctor, and all night long I cared
for her. Toward daylight she grew calmer, and we became reconciled under
the influence of that feeling which we called 'love.' The next morning,
when, after the reconciliation, I confessed to her that I was jealous of
Troukhatchevsky, she was not at all embarrassed, and began to laugh in
the most natural way, so strange did the possibility of being led astray
by such a man appear to her.
115
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