The Innocents Abroad


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The third cook, crowned with a resplendent tin basin and wrapped royally  
in a table-cloth mottled with grease-spots and coffee stains, and bearing  
a sceptre that looked strangely like a belaying-pin, walked upon a  
dilapidated carpet and perched himself on the capstan, careless of the  
flying spray; his tarred and weather-beaten Chamberlains, Dukes and Lord  
High Admirals surrounded him, arrayed in all the pomp that spare  
tarpaulins and remnants of old sails could furnish. Then the visiting  
"watch below," transformed into graceless ladies and uncouth pilgrims, by  
rude travesties upon waterfalls, hoopskirts, white kid gloves and  
swallow-tail coats, moved solemnly up the companion way, and bowing low,  
began a system of complicated and extraordinary smiling which few  
monarchs could look upon and live. Then the mock consul, a  
slush-plastered deck-sweep, drew out a soiled fragment of paper and  
proceeded to read, laboriously:  
"
"
To His Imperial Majesty, Alexander II., Emperor of Russia:  
We are a handful of private citizens of America, traveling simply for  
recreation,--and unostentatiously, as becomes our unofficial state--and  
therefore, we have no excuse to tender for presenting ourselves before  
your Majesty--"  
The Emperor--"Then what the devil did you come for?"  
--"Save the desire of offering our grateful acknowledgments to the lord  
459  


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457 458 459 460 461

Quick Jump
1 187 374 560 747