The Innocents Abroad


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bosom as in the palace of an Emperor. I supposed that Emperors were  
terrible people. I thought they never did any thing but wear magnificent  
crowns and red velvet dressing-gowns with dabs of wool sewed on them in  
spots, and sit on thrones and scowl at the flunkies and the people in the  
parquette, and order Dukes and Duchesses off to execution. I find,  
however, that when one is so fortunate as to get behind the scenes and  
see them at home and in the privacy of their firesides, they are  
strangely like common mortals. They are pleasanter to look upon then  
than they are in their theatrical aspect. It seems to come as natural to  
them to dress and act like other people as it is to put a friend's cedar  
pencil in your pocket when you are done using it. But I can never have  
any confidence in the tinsel kings of the theatre after this. It will be  
a great loss. I used to take such a thrilling pleasure in them. But,  
hereafter, I will turn me sadly away and say;  
"This does not answer--this isn't the style of king that I am acquainted  
with."  
When they swagger around the stage in jeweled crowns and splendid robes,  
I shall feel bound to observe that all the Emperors that ever I was  
personally acquainted with wore the commonest sort of clothes, and did  
not swagger. And when they come on the stage attended by a vast  
body-guard of supes in helmets and tin breastplates, it will be my duty  
as well as my pleasure to inform the ignorant that no crowned head of my  
acquaintance has a soldier any where about his house or his person.  
453  


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