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and it was a happy part of the same idea for me to copy the speech after
Mr. Buckstone had written it, and then keep back a page. Mr. B. was
very complimentary to me when Trollop's break-down in the House showed
him the object of my mysterious scheme; I think he will say, still finer
things when I tell him the triumph the sequel to it has gained for us.
"
But what a coward the man was, to believe I would have exposed that page
in the rotunda, and so exposed myself. However, I don't know--I don't
know. I will think a moment. Suppose he voted no; suppose the bill
failed; that is to suppose this stupendous game lost forever, that I have
played so desperately for; suppose people came around pitying me--odious!
And he could have saved me by his single voice. Yes, I would have
exposed him! What would I care for the talk that that would have made
about me when I was gone to Europe with Selby and all the world was busy
with my history and my dishonor? It would be almost happiness to spite
somebody at such a time."
455
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