The Efficiency Expert


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"I am here," agreed the other, "to announce to the universe that you are right,  
Jimmy. He didn't have anything pleasant to say to me. In fact, he insinuated that  
dear old alma mater might be able to wiggle along without me if I didn't abjure my  
criminal life. Made some nasty comparison between my academic achievements  
and foxtrotting. I wonder, Jimmy, how they get that way?"  
"
That's why they are profs," explained Jimmy. "There are two kinds of people in  
this world--human beings and profs. When does he want me?"  
"Now."  
Jimmy arose and put on his hat and coat. "Good-by, Kid," he said. "Pray for me,  
and leave me one cigarette to smoke when I get back," and, grinning, he left the  
room.  
James Torrance, Jr., was not greatly abashed as he faced the dour tribunal of the  
faculty. The younger members, among whom were several he knew to be mighty  
good fellows at heart, sat at the lower end of the long table, and with owlish  
gravity attempted to emulate the appearance and manners of their seniors. At the  
head of the table sat Whiskers, as the dignified and venerable president of the  
university was popularly named. It was generally believed and solemnly sworn to  
throughout the large corps of undergraduates that within the knowledge of any  
living man Whiskers had never been known to smile, and to-day he was running  
true to form.  
"Mr. Torrance," he said, sighing, "it has been my painful duty on more than one  
occasion to call your attention to the uniformly low average of your academic  
standing. At the earnest solicitation of the faculty members of the athletic  
committee, I have been influenced, against my better judgment, to temporize with  
an utterly insufferable condition.  
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