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"... I read standard works on crime and criminals. They all confirmed my opinion.
Degeneracy, disease--never the deliberate embracing of a career by a far-seeing
man. Then I considered. Supposing my utmost ambitions were realized--that I
was called to the bar, and rose to the height of my profession? That I entered
politics--say, even, that I became Prime Minister of England? What then? Was
that power? Hampered at every turn by my colleagues, fettered by the democratic
system of which I should be the mere figurehead! No--the power I dreamed of was
absolute! An autocrat! A dictator! And such power could only be obtained by
working outside the law. To play on the weaknesses of human nature, then on
the weaknesses of nations--to get together and control a vast organization, and
finally to overthrow the existing order, and rule! The thought intoxicated me....
"... I saw that I must lead two lives. A man like myself is bound to attract notice. I
must have a successful career which would mask my true activities.... Also I
must cultivate a personality. I modelled myself upon famous K.C.'s. I reproduced
their mannerisms, their magnetism. If I had chosen to be an actor, I should have
been the greatest actor living! No disguises--no grease paint--no false beards!
Personality! I put it on like a glove! When I shed it, I was myself, quiet,
unobtrusive, a man like every other man. I called myself Mr. Brown. There are
hundreds of men called Brown--there are hundreds of men looking just like me....
"... I succeeded in my false career. I was bound to succeed. I shall succeed in the
other. A man like me cannot fail....
"
... I have been reading a life of Napoleon. He and I have much in common....
... I make a practice of defending criminals. A man should look after his own
"
people....
"... Once or twice I have felt afraid. The first time was in Italy. There was a dinner
given. Professor D----, the great alienist, was present. The talk fell on insanity. He
said, 'A great many men are mad, and no one knows it. They do not know it
themselves.' I do not understand why he looked at me when he said that. His
glance was strange.... I did not like it....
"... The war has disturbed me.... I thought it would further my plans. The
Germans are so efficient. Their spy system, too, was excellent. The streets are full
of these boys in khaki. All empty-headed young fools.... Yet I do not know.... They
won the war.... It disturbs me....
"... My plans are going well.... A girl butted in--I do not think she really knew
anything.... But we must give up the Esthonia.... No risks now....
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