I don't take no pride out on it, Sammy,' replied Mr Weller, poking the

fire vehemently, 'it's a horrid sitiwation. I'm actiwally drove out o'

house and home by it. The breath was scarcely out o' your poor

mother-in-law's body, ven vun old 'ooman sends me a pot o' jam, and

another a pot o' jelly, and another brews a blessed large jug o'

camomile-tea, vich she brings in vith her own hands.' Mr Weller

paused with an aspect of intense disgust, and looking round, added in

a whisper, 'They wos all widders, Sammy, all on 'em, 'cept the

camomile-tea vun, as wos a single young lady o' fifty-three.'

Sam gave a comical look in reply, and the old gentleman having

broken an obstinate lump of coal, with a countenance expressive of as

much earnestness and malice as if it had been the head of one of the

widows last-mentioned, said:

‘

In short, Sammy, I feel that I ain't safe anyveres but on the box.'

How are you safer there than anyveres else?' interrupted Sam.

Cos a coachman's a privileged indiwidual,' replied Mr Weller, looking

fixedly at his son. ''Cos a coachman may do vithout suspicion wot

other men may not; 'cos a coachman may be on the wery amicablest

terms with eighty mile o' females, and yet nobody think that he ever

means to marry any vun among 'em. And wot other man can say the

same, Sammy?'

Vell, there's somethin' in that,' said Sam.

If your gov'nor had been a coachman,' reasoned Mr Weller, 'do you

s'pose as that 'ere jury 'ud ever ha' conwicted him, s'posin' it possible

as the matter could ha' gone to that extremity? They dustn't ha' done

it.'

'Wy not?' said Sam, rather disparagingly.

Wy not!' rejoined Mr Weller; ''cos it 'ud ha' gone agin their

consciences. A reg'lar coachman's a sort o' con-nectin' link betwixt

singleness and matrimony, and every practicable man knows it.'

Wot! You mean, they're gen'ral favorites, and nobody takes adwantage

on 'em, p'raps?' said Sam.

His father nodded.

How it ever come to that 'ere pass,' resumed the parent Weller, 'I can't

say. Wy it is that long-stage coachmen possess such insiniwations,

and is alvays looked up to - a-dored I may say - by ev'ry young 'ooman

in ev'ry town he vurks through, I don't know. I only know that so it is.

The Pickwick Papers