'Very sorry!' said the furious magistrate. 'You shall repent of this

neglect of duty, Mr Grummer; you shall be made an example of. Take

that fellow's staff away. He's drunk. You're drunk, fellow.'

I am not drunk, your Worship,' said the man.

'You ARE drunk,' returned the magistrate. 'How dare you say you are

not drunk, Sir, when I say you are? Doesn't he smell of spirits,

Grummer?'

Horrid, your Wash-up,' replied Grummer, who had a vague

impression that there was a smell of rum somewhere.

I knew he did,' said Mr Nupkins. 'I saw he was drunk when he first

came into the room, by his excited eye. Did you observe his excited

eye, Mr Jinks?'

Certainly, Sir.'

I haven't touched a drop of spirits this morning,' said the man, who

was as sober a fellow as need be.

How dare you tell me a falsehood?' said Mr Nupkins. 'Isn't he drunk

at this moment, Mr Jinks?'

Certainly, Sir,' replied Jinks.

Mr Jinks,' said the magistrate, 'I shall commit that man for contempt.

Make out his committal, Mr Jinks.'

And committed the special would have been, only Jinks, who was the

magistrate's adviser (having had a legal education of three years in a

country attorney's office), whispered the magistrate that he thought it

wouldn't do; so the magistrate made a speech, and said, that in

consideration of the special's family, he would merely reprimand and

discharge him. Accordingly, the special was abused, vehemently, for a

quarter of an hour, and sent about his business; and Grummer,

Dubbley, Muzzle, and all the other specials, murmured their

admiration of the magnanimity of Mr Nupkins.

'Now, Mr Jinks,' said the magistrate, 'swear Grummer.'

Grummer was sworn directly; but as Grummer wandered, and Mr

Nupkins's dinner was nearly ready, Mr Nupkins cut the matter short,

by putting leading questions to Grummer, which Grummer answered

as nearly in the affirmative as he could. So the examination went off,

all very smooth and comfortable, and two assaults were proved

against Mr Weller, and a threat against Mr Winkle, and a push against

The Pickwick Papers