carved by himself in an idle mood, and to display letters intended to

bear neither more or less than the simple construction of - 'BILL

STUMPS, HIS MARK'; and that Mr Stumps, being little in the habit of

original composition, and more accustomed to be guided by the sound

of words than by the strict rules of orthography, had omitted the

concluding 'L' of his Christian name.

The Pickwick Club (as might have been expected from so enlightened

an institution) received this statement with the contempt it deserved,

expelled the presumptuous and ill-conditioned Blotton from the

society, and voted Mr Pickwick a pair of gold spectacles, in token of

their confidence and approbation: in return for which, Mr Pickwick

caused a portrait of himself to be painted, and hung up in the club

room.

Mr Blotton was ejected but not conquered. He also wrote a pamphlet,

addressed to the seventeen learned societies, native and foreign,

containing a repetition of the statement he had already made, and

rather more than half intimating his opinion that the seventeen

learned societies were so many 'humbugs.' Hereupon, the virtuous

indignation of the seventeen learned societies being roused, several

fresh pamphlets appeared; the foreign learned societies corresponded

with the native learned societies; the native learned societies

translated the pamphlets of the foreign learned societies into English;

the foreign learned societies translated the pamphlets of the native

learned societies into all sorts of languages; and thus commenced that

celebrated scientific discussion so well known to all men, as the

Pickwick controversy.

But this base attempt to injure Mr Pickwick recoiled upon the head of

its calumnious author. The seventeen learned societies unanimously

voted the presumptuous Blotton an ignorant meddler, and forthwith

set to work upon more treatises than ever. And to this day the stone

remains, an illegible monument of Mr Pickwick's greatness, and a

lasting trophy to the littleness of his enemies.

The Pickwick Papers