Chapter L

Matrimonial differences are usually discussed by the parties

concerned in the form of dialogue, in which the lady bears at least her

full half share. Those of Mr and Mrs Quilp, however, were an

exception to the general rule; the remarks which they occasioned

being limited to a long soliloquy on the part of the gentleman, with

perhaps a few deprecatory observations from the lady, not extending

beyond a trembling monosyllable uttered at long intervals, and in a

very submissive and humble tone. On the present occasion, Mrs Quilp

did not for a long time venture even on this gentle defence, but when

she had recovered from her fainting-fit, sat in a tearful silence, meekly

listening to the reproaches of her lord and master.

Of these Mr Quilp delivered himself with the utmost animation and

rapidity, and with so many distortions of limb and feature, that even

his wife, although tolerably well accustomed to his proficiency in these

respects, was well-nigh beside herself with alarm. But the Jamaica

rum, and the joy of having occasioned a heavy disappointment, by

degrees cooled Mr Quilp's wrath; which from being at savage heat,

dropped slowly to the bantering or chuckling point, at which it

steadily remained.

So you thought I was dead and gone, did you?' said Quilp. 'You

thought you were a widow, eh? Ha, ha, ha, you jade.’

Indeed, Quilp,' returned his wife. 'I'm very sorry - '

Who doubts it!' cried the dwarf. 'You very sorry! to be sure you are.

Who doubts that you're VERY sorry!'

I don't mean sorry that you have come home again alive and well,'

said his wife, 'but sorry that I should have been led into such a belief.

I am glad to see you, Quilp; indeed I am.'

In truth Mrs Quilp did seem a great deal more glad to behold her lord

than might have been expected, and did evince a degree of interest in

his safety which, all things considered, was rather unaccountable.

Upon Quilp, however, this circumstance made no impression, farther

than as it moved him to snap his fingers close to his wife's eyes, with

divers grins of triumph and derision.

'How could you go away so long, without saying a word to me or

letting me hear of you or know anything about you?' asked the poor

little woman, sobbing. 'How could you be so cruel, Quilp?'

The Old Curiosity Shop