Honourable gentlemen, let the rye alone. It is impious to insult the

vegetables, by likening them either to human creatures or animals.

Besides, the fever does not strangle. 'Tis a false metaphor. For pity's

sake, keep silence. Allow me to tell you that you are slightly wanting

in the repose which characterizes the true English gentleman. I see that

some amongst you, who have shoes out of which their toes are peeping,

take advantage of the circumstance to rest their feet on the shoulders

of those who are in front of them, causing the ladies to remark that the

soles of shoes divide always at the part at which is the head of the

metatarsal bones. Show more of your hands and less of your feet. I

perceive scamps who plunge their ingenious fists into the pockets of

their foolish neighbours. Dear pickpockets, have a little modesty. Fight

those next to you if you like; do not plunder them. You will vex them

less by blackening an eye, than by lightening their purses of a penny.

Break their noses if you like. The shopkeeper thinks more of his money

than of his beauty. Barring this, accept my sympathies, for I am not

pedantic enough to blame thieves. Evil exists. Every one endures it,

every one inflicts it. No one is exempt from the vermin of his sins.

That's what I keep saying. Have we not all our itch? I myself have made

mistakes. Plaudite, cives."

Ursus uttered a long groan, which he overpowered by these concluding

words,--

My lords and gentlemen, I see that my address has unluckily displeased

you. I take leave of your hisses for a moment. I shall put on my head,

The Man Who Laughs