The Letters Of Mark Twain, Complete


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DEAR GENERAL,--I mean the pay-platform; I shan't retire from the  
gratis-platform until after I am dead and courtesy requires me to keep  
still and not disturb the others.  
What shall I talk about? My idea is this: to instruct the audience about  
Robert Fulton, and.... Tell me--was that his real name, or was it his  
nom de plume? However, never mind, it is not important--I can skip it,  
and the house will think I knew all about it, but forgot. Could you find  
out for me if he was one of the Signers of the Declaration, and which  
one? But if it is any trouble, let it alone, I can skip it. Was he out  
with Paul Jones? Will you ask Horace Porter? And ask him if he brought  
both of them home. These will be very interesting facts, if they can be  
established. But never mind, don't trouble Porter, I can establish them  
anyway. The way I look at it, they are historical gems--gems of the very  
first water.  
Well, that is my idea, as I have said: first, excite the audience with  
a spoonful of information about Fulton, then quiet down with a barrel  
of illustration drawn by memory from my books--and if you don't say  
anything the house will think they never heard of it before, because  
people don't really read your books, they only say they do, to keep  
you from feeling bad. Next, excite the house with another spoonful  
of Fultonian fact, then tranquilize them again with another barrel of  
illustration. And so on and so on, all through the evening; and if you  
are discreet and don't tell them the illustrations don't illustrate  
1172  


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