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that they were not simply faults, but a fatality that must happen again.
I was no longer frightened, I was simply astonished that I should be
precisely the one to live so uncomfortably with my wife, and that the
same thing did not happen in other households. I did not know that in
all households the same sudden changes take place, but that all,
like myself, imagine that it is a misfortune exclusively reserved for
themselves alone, which they carefully conceal as shameful, not only to
others, but to themselves, like a bad disease.
"
That was what happened to me. Begun in the early days, it continued and
increased with characteristics of fury that were ever more pronounced.
At the bottom of my soul, from the first weeks, I felt that I was in a
trap, that I had what I did not expect, and that marriage is not a joy,
but a painful trial. Like everybody else, I refused to confess it (I
should not have confessed it even now but for the outcome). Now I am
astonished to think that I did not see my real situation. It was so easy
to perceive it, in view of those quarrels, begun for reasons so trivial
that afterwards one could not recall them.
"Just as it often happens among gay young people that, in the absence of
jokes, they laugh at their own laughter, so we found no reasons for our
hatred, and we hated each other because hatred was naturally boiling
up in us. More extraordinary still was the absence of causes for
reconciliation.
"Sometimes words, explanations, or even tears, but sometimes, I
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