| 140 | 141 | 142 | 143 | 144 |
| 1 | 73 | 145 | 218 | 290 |
|
act, such as I had never performed,--an act that would have frightful
consequences. My thought was as quick as lightning, and the deed
followed immediately. The act, to my inner sense, had an extraordinary
clearness. I perceived the resistance of the corset and then something
else, and then the sinking of the knife into a soft substance. She
clutched at the dagger with her hands, and cut herself with it, but
could not restrain the blow.
"Long afterward, in prison when the moral revolution had been effected
within me, I thought of that minute, I remembered it as far as I could,
and I co-ordinated all the sudden changes. I remembered the terrible
consciousness which I felt,--that I was killing a wife, MY wife.
"
I well remember the horror of that consciousness and I know vaguely
that, having plunged in the dagger, I drew it out again immediately,
wishing to repair and arrest my action. She straightened up and cried:
"'Nurse, he has killed me!'
"
The old nurse, who had heard the noise, was standing in the doorway. I
was still erect, waiting, and not believing myself in what had happened.
But at that moment, from under her corset, the blood gushed forth. Then
only did I understand that all reparation was impossible, and promptly
I decided that it was not even necessary, that all had happened in
accordance with my wish, and that I had fulfilled my desire. I waited
until she fell, and until the nurse, exclaiming, 'Oh, my God!' ran to
142
Page
Quick Jump
|