The Innocents Abroad


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The Portuguese pennies, or reis (pronounced rays), are prodigious. It  
takes one thousand reis to make a dollar, and all financial estimates are  
made in reis. We did not know this until after we had found it out  
through Blucher. Blucher said he was so happy and so grateful to be on  
solid land once more that he wanted to give a feast--said he had heard it  
was a cheap land, and he was bound to have a grand banquet. He invited  
nine of us, and we ate an excellent dinner at the principal hotel. In  
the midst of the jollity produced by good cigars, good wine, and passable  
anecdotes, the landlord presented his bill. Blucher glanced at it and  
his countenance fell. He took another look to assure himself that his  
senses had not deceived him and then read the items aloud, in a faltering  
voice, while the roses in his cheeks turned to ashes:  
"
"
"
"
'Ten dinners, at 600 reis, 6,000 reis!' Ruin and desolation!  
'Twenty-five cigars, at 100 reis, 2,500 reis!' Oh, my sainted mother!  
'Eleven bottles of wine, at 1,200 reis, 13,200 reis!' Be with us all!  
'TOTAL, TWENTY-ONE THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED REIS!' The suffering  
Moses!  
There ain't money enough in the ship to pay that bill! Go--leave me to  
my misery, boys, I am a ruined community."  
I think it was the blankest-looking party I ever saw. Nobody could say a  
word. It was as if every soul had been stricken dumb. Wine glasses  
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