The Innocents Abroad


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of teeth and part of the jaw-bone of a horse. I said with some asperity:  
"Fragment of a Russian General! This is absurd. Are you never going to  
learn any sense?"  
He only said: "Go slow--the old woman won't know any different." [His  
aunt.]  
This person gathers mementoes with a perfect recklessness, now-a-days;  
mixes them all up together, and then serenely labels them without any  
regard to truth, propriety, or even plausibility. I have found him  
breaking a stone in two, and labeling half of it "Chunk busted from the  
pulpit of Demosthenes," and the other half "Darnick from the Tomb of  
Abelard and Heloise." I have known him to gather up a handful of pebbles  
by the roadside, and bring them on board ship and label them as coming  
from twenty celebrated localities five hundred miles apart. I  
remonstrate against these outrages upon reason and truth, of course, but  
it does no good. I get the same tranquil, unanswerable reply every time:  
"It don't signify--the old woman won't know any different."  
Ever since we three or four fortunate ones made the midnight trip to  
Athens, it has afforded him genuine satisfaction to give every body in  
the ship a pebble from the Mars-hill where St. Paul preached. He got all  
those pebbles on the sea shore, abreast the ship, but professes to have  
gathered them from one of our party. However, it is not of any use for  
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435 436 437 438 439

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