The Innocents Abroad


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They did paint, and they did carve in marble, one historical scene, and  
one only, (of any great historical consequence.) And what was it and why  
did they choose it, particularly? It was the Rape of the Sabines, and  
they chose it for the legs and busts.  
I like to look at statues, however, and I like to look at pictures, also  
-
-even of monks looking up in sacred ecstacy, and monks looking down in  
meditation, and monks skirmishing for something to eat--and therefore I  
drop ill nature to thank the papal government for so jealously guarding  
and so industriously gathering up these things; and for permitting me, a  
stranger and not an entirely friendly one, to roam at will and unmolested  
among them, charging me nothing, and only requiring that I shall behave  
myself simply as well as I ought to behave in any other man's house. I  
thank the Holy Father right heartily, and I wish him long life and plenty  
of happiness.  
The Popes have long been the patrons and preservers of art, just as our  
new, practical Republic is the encourager and upholder of mechanics. In  
their Vatican is stored up all that is curious and beautiful in art; in  
our Patent Office is hoarded all that is curious or useful in mechanics.  
When a man invents a new style of horse-collar or discovers a new and  
superior method of telegraphing, our government issues a patent to him  
that is worth a fortune; when a man digs up an ancient statue in the  
Campagna, the Pope gives him a fortune in gold coin. We can make  
something of a guess at a man's character by the style of nose he carries  
on his face. The Vatican and the Patent Office are governmental noses,  
347  


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