Why they proceed right and regular--and it ain't bosh, Washington, it

ain't bosh. They appoint a committee to investigate, and that committee

hears evidence three weeks, and all the witnesses on one side swear that

the accused took money or stock or something for his vote. Then the

accused stands up and testifies that he may have done it, but he was

receiving and handling a good deal of money at the time and he doesn't

remember this particular circumstance--at least with sufficient

distinctness to enable him to grasp it tangibly. So of course the thing

is not proven--and that is what they say in the verdict. They don't

acquit, they don't condemn. They just say, 'Charge not proven.' It

leaves the accused is a kind of a shaky condition before the country,

it purifies Congress, it satisfies everybody, and it doesn't seriously

hurt anybody. It has taken a long time to perfect our system, but it is

the most admirable in the world, now."

So one of those long stupid investigations always turns out in that lame

silly way. Yes, you are correct. I thought maybe you viewed the matter

differently from other people. Do you think a Congress of ours could

convict the devil of anything if he were a member?"

My dear boy, don't let these damaging delays prejudice you against

Congress. Don't use such strong language; you talk like a newspaper.

Congress has inflicted frightful punishments on its members--now you know

that. When they tried Mr. Fairoaks, and a cloud of witnesses proved him

to be--well, you know what they proved him to be--and his own testimony

and his own confessions gave him the same character, what did Congress do

553

The Gilded Age