"Now look here, old friend, I know the human race; and I know that when a

man comes to Washington, I don't care if it's from heaven, let alone

Cherokee-Strip, it's because he wants something. And I know that as a

rule he's not going to get it; that he'll stay and try--for another thing

and won't get that; the same luck with the next and the next and the

next; and keeps on till he strikes bottom, and is too poor and ashamed to

go back, even to Cherokee Strip; and at last his heart breaks--and they

take up a collection and bury him. There--don't interrupt me, I know

what I'm talking about. Happy and prosperous in the Far West wasn't I?

You know that. Principal citizen of Hawkeye, looked up to by everybody,

kind of an autocrat, actually a kind of an autocrat, Washington. Well,

nothing would do but I must go Minister to St. James, the Governor and

everybody insisting, you know, and so at last I consented--no getting out

of it, had to do it, so here I came. A day too late, Washington. Think

of that--what little things change the world's history--yes, sir, the

place had been filled. Well, there I was, you see. I offered to

compromise and go to Paris. The President was very sorry and all that,

but that place, you see, didn't belong to the West, so there I was again.

There was no help for it, so I had to stoop a little--we all reach the

day some time or other when we've got to do that, Washington, and it's

not a bad thing for us, either, take it by and large and all around

--I had to stoop a little and offer to take Constantinople. Washington,

consider this--for it's perfectly true--within a month I asked for China;

within another month I begged for Japan; one year later I was away down,

down, down, supplicating with tears and anguish for the bottom office in

The American Claimant