If I were to detail all the outrages that were heaped upon me during the

six days that I was connected with the government in an official

capacity, the narrative would fill a volume. They appointed me clerk of

that Committee on Conchology and then allowed me no amanuensis to play

billiards with. I would have borne that, lonesome as it was, if I had

met with that courtesy from the other members of the Cabinet which was my

due. But I did not. Whenever I observed that the head of a department

was pursuing a wrong course, I laid down everything and went and tried to

set him right, as it was my duty to do; and I never was thanked for it in

a single instance. I went, with the best intentions in the world, to the

Secretary of the Navy, and said:

"Sir, I cannot see that Admiral Farragut is doing anything but

skirmishing around there in Europe, having a sort of picnic. Now, that

may be all very well, but it does not exhibit itself to me in that light.

If there is no fighting for him to do, let him come home. There is no

use in a man having a whole fleet for a pleasure excursion. It is too

expensive. Mind, I do not object to pleasure excursions for the naval

officers--pleasure excursions that are in reason--pleasure excursions

that are economical. Now, they might go down the Mississippi

on a raft--"

You ought to have heard him storm! One would have supposed I had

committed a crime of some kind. But I didn't mind. I said it was cheap,

and full of republican simplicity, and perfectly safe. I said that, for

a tranquil pleasure excursion, there was nothing equal to a raft.

329

Sketches New and Old